The Grump Uglies

Wow, what a wicked case of the grump uglies I had this morning. I awoke at 5am to the last of the dawn chorus, lovely wild birds twittering and chittering away. I should have stayed up, but the bed looked cozy and I crawled back in...mistake. The second time I awoke, one hour later, I was befuddled. I left the house and was not in anyway prepared for the day. Bad went to worse the closer I got to town. (Friday mornings are early because I have a breakfast date at the local diner and we have to be there by 7am.) I got to the store around 7:30am, we don't open until 10am; I decided to read and finished "The Darkness Under the Water". A YA book by a local author. (It comes out in September and is a very good read, I highly recommend it!) Still befuddled I headed next door to the bank to make my daily deposit. I was grumpy, felt dark and distant...then I was assailed by the scent of cedar mulch and KABAM! I was lifted out of the grump uglies into a glorious May morning. That scent woke me immediately and I fell back into myself. It was incredible.

Here I am back at the store, with fresh eyes and a light heart. Thanks be for cedar.

Rampant Sexism

ARRRRGGGHHH!

Sexism is destroying our lives. Men and women and children. I hate it that most men cannot show their feelings because of societal oppression. I hate it that many women cannot use their voices to show their intelligence. It is really frustrating. So many of us humans are not "allowed" to access our emotions with each other. Yuck.

There are so many battles to face in this world:
sexism, racism, anti-semitism, ageism, classism...the list goes on and on...how did this happen to us as a species on this planet?? Why is it so hard for people to see that we are all equal, intelligent, creative human beings? Sometimes I just don't get it.

Educate, educate, educate.

The Garden

The garden is calling my name. It is a perfect day to be digging and planting and getting dirty. However, here I am at the bookstore, looking at books on gardening and digging and planting and getting dirty. It is a bit disheartening. I wish I could choose which days will be glorious and which will be dark and rainy and let's face it also glorious. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday rain or shine I will plant spinach and peas and lettuces. I will till and dig and be happy.

Until then I will sell books. I will discuss religious freedom, racism, eugenics, babies, ogres and goblins, presidents, movie stars, Dora vs. Amelia Bedelia, Judaica, Witches, homeopathy, yoga, home decorating, sewing, fishing, birding, macrobiotics, and a plethora of other subjects. I didn't even touch on fiction... I will talk to people of all ages, class backgrounds, ethnicity and religions. I will make mistakes. I will be annoyed, thoughtful, grateful, hopeful, and impressed. I will sell books.

I am thankful.

Coffee

I ran into a customer I really like at the laundry mat today. He invited me for coffee at this great bakery just behind the laundry mat. (Yes I know, we are talking about little Lyndonville Vermont, we have one Laundry mat and one bakery, they just happen to be next to each other, making this description sound like NYC).

We are having coffee together, and I'm thinking about how the former owner of the store really didn't like this guy. She thought he was arrogant (he is a bit) and a general asshole. I think he is an independent thinker who is way outside of the box. He chooses not to pander to people ever. I like that about him.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I feel really great about our conversation. I was intelligent and well-spoken and I can tell that now. I'm not second-guessing anything about what I said or how I said it. A rare occasion, but one connected with knowing my significance I think.

Life is so very very good.

Significance

I went to a Re-evaluation Counseling workshop this weekend. (For more information on Re-evaluation Counseling click the link below.) Here is a piece of information/theory that I received.

It is important for human beings to know their own significance. When we doubt our significance we not only make it hard for ourselves, but we make it really hard for other people. When someone tells me I matter to them, by doubting them because I don't believe it possible to be significant, I demean them and their caring for me. Perhaps no one else in the world doubts their significance, but I certainly do doubt my own. This information makes it easier for me to work in the direction of knowing my own significance, to other people, as a human being. I've got a lot of work to do in this direction, but this knowledge is a beginning.

It is amazing how bad most people feel about themselves all the time. The reality is that we are all born good, we make mistakes, but essentially we are good.

I've also noticed that most people feel lonely most of the time. The reality there is that we are not alone, never have to be alone, and in fact are all connected as human beings, just by the virtue of being alive. (Pretty sweet theory huh?)

When you read this, take a shot at feeling good, not necessarily good about yourself, just good. And know that there is one human being out here that you have connected with and who you are important to.

http://www.rc.org/

My Sister

My sister is three years older than I am. Tomorrow is her birthday. I will not be able to be there because I am going to a weekend long workshop.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have a sibling and not be closely connected. I often hear people talk about having brothers and sisters that they don't like or get along with; as far as I am concerned, my sister is one of the most important people in my life.

As the younger child I looked up to her and learned from her from the very beginning. Although I don't remember this I can observe it in other young children I know now. I am blessed with having a 5 year old and a 2 and1/2 year old in my life. I am very close to them and I am learning a lot about my relationship with my sister from watching them.

My sister has lived her life to the fullest. She is adventuresome in a way that I am not, but so long to be. She takes risks all the time and is very brave. In many ways she has always been my hero. We were not always so close, when we were young she lived with our father and I lived with our mother, we did not even see/communicate for years. Then she came after me. She refused to allow me to isolate myself and through her my life has become what it is, full, rich, vibrant. I would not be the person I am today if it wasn't for her.

She doesn't always remember to notice how really great she is, but I will always keep noticing for her and reminding her.

Happy Birthday.

Speed

The energy that I talked about in my last post is out of control!! Life is speeding down the tracks and I hardly have time to notice I'm breathing. Things outside of the bookstore are very busy so when I'm at the bookstore I'm just waiting to get out and move on to the next thing. I've got to slow down.

I am scattered on the wind and fishing for something to write about. I've been thinking about the concept of time and wondering who came up with the idea that we could negotiate it into a 24 hour day. I've been pondering anger and the usefulness of that emotion. I've been thinking about my sister who is having a birthday in two days, which I will miss (physically at least). On top of a lot of mundane day to day things that need to be organized and dealt with...

at least I have the energy to do it all.