The difference a year can make.

I was looking back over the posts I've written because I've been plagued by a feeling that last year was so much better than this year. Silly, but I remember feeling an upwelling of physical and spiritual energy at this time last year. I couldn't do enough Tai chi and I felt the green, sap energy of the earth flowing in my veins. This year I am tired...so very tired.

I am searching for a reason for this difference and it eludes me. I keep seeking that earth energy, it too is eluding me. I am frustrated. I am doing Tai Chi more often than I have been of late, but it is not helping. Perhaps I am trying too hard. Maybe it is time to stop looking and sit back and just let it come. I hope so as that is the only plan I have left.

Last year Spring time was pure joy for me, this year it feel dusty and brown and depressing. I think maybe I need to spend some time out in the sun and the wind...just saying that I could feel a glimmer on the edge of my soul of something MORE...

A community

Today the day began with an interesting couple who had just escaped from Lubbock Texas. They themselves declared that they had escaped, they were doing some political work and felt like they had just escaped with their lives. They were so relieved to be in Vermont.

Later in the day my partner came by to visit and some neighbors. We were just talking and two customers, one regular and one person I didn't know, just jumped in and joined the conversation. It was lovely. Although I noticed that people feel helpless and there is a lot of anger directed at people who are not "enlightened" to the situation our world faces.

It was good that I was able to say to one woman that I think what is important to notice is that we still have the privilege and the opportunity to connect as human beings on a one to one basis. We can set aside political boundaries and beliefs and just be together. That is the glory of community.

It is good to belong to the human community in all it's glory and angst.

Some time has passed...

and I haven't written. I read something today and decided to just write and not wait for some kind of brilliant inspiration. Perhaps if I write I will be inspired. Is this writing something for myself or is it for you to read?? It should be for me only, but then why the public posting. Why do I crave public approval? Why do I see a moment of grace and feel the need to capture it in a photo to share, I always think I should absorb it and be satisfied. Maybe it is just another facet of longing for connection, linkage to other human beings, sharing moments of grace.

I hope so.

Language

I was thinking about language and stories today. I think we want our stories heard, we want other people and sometimes language gets in the way. I am never as eloquent on this blog as I am in my head when I'm thinking about what I want to say.

Sometimes in group situations it is like I am sitting outside of myself watching. Watching the people in the group maneuver around each other, almost warily. I often just want to command the situation and say everyone relax, let go, but that almost always backfires.

Arrrgghh this is not what I want to say. I'll try again tomorrow.

Today

Today has been a really good day. I went to my former school for Thanksgiving dinner with all the folks. It is good to see people and touch base with the young people, but really the best part of the day was saying Goodbye to a few people and just striding out the door with no regrets. It's been a long time coming, this guilt free feeling.

The store has been bustling with folks, some just dropping in to shake my hand and say, "Happy Thanksgiving." Lots of people have told me they are thankful that GMB is here and thriving. I try to tell them all with sincerity that I am thankful for them.

Here is some more JC (um...that would be Joseph Campbell not Jesus Christ!)

"To take a righteous attitude toward anything
is to denigrate it.

Awe is what moves us forward.

Eternity
is a dimension
of here and now.

The divine lies within you.

Live from your own center."

um...

There have been a few people harping, simply harping on me to write something. (This is about my sister Tai Chi friend, not you, you don't harp.)

Friday night I attended two events, this is a big night out for me these days. The first was the VFW fund raising Meat Raffle. Yep, here in the NEK of VT we raffle meat and hey, I won a ham, had a couple of drinks and caroused with the hunters in from deer camp. This isn't just any Meat Raffle either, this is competitive meat raffling there are two teams who go every year and compete against each other. It was fun; loud, noisy grown-ups hooting and hollering, giving each other a hard time and yet obviously really caring about each other. Even in this wild environment people were on the look out for each other, holding the door, cautiously navigating around the woman on crutches and helping her, checking in with each other. On one level it was about meat and on another it was about unity.

Second event a house party. It started after the meat raffle with a whole different crew of people. Mostly couples who have young children. There were a lot of musicians and a great band. It was sad and interesting to watch all of these parents really work to battle sexism. The men wanted to stay and play music and hang out, the women wanted to stay and play music and hang out...the children needed to go home and go to bed. As sexism requires it mostly fell to the women to take care of the children and the men stayed behind. Ouch for everyone involved.

I overheard one young father and musician talking about it. He mentioned that his girlfriend had left with the children and was angry. He seemed so hopeless about figuring out how to do it. Then he said, "But I'm living it, this is it. This is life and I'm in it. I've got to play music." And I went directly to Joseph Campbell:

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are...

The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning. The warrior's approach is to say "yes" to life: "yea" to all of it. Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.

Opportunities to find deeper power within ourselves come when life seems most challenging"

The young musician is right.

Be it meat raffles or band party's, this is it live within it in joy.

Proud

There is nothing to say execpt that I am proud to be an American today.

It is the first time in at least eight years that I can say that.

Change has arrived.