Lonliness vs. Aloneness

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore send not to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." John Donne

I was thinking of a friend of mine who feels like he has to do everything in his life alone. Thinking of him got me thinking about this quote so I looked it up. At first I thought it would be something comforting, but what I realized is that this quote is about loneliness, not about being and doing alone.

We are linked, we are one as members of the human race and inhabitants of the planet earth. We are never truly alone. And yet we are often beset by feeling of being completely alone. Disconnected...it is possible to realize both sensations, connection and disconnection, at once.

I am surrounded by a large community of loving people. Family, friends, acquaintances and it is seldom that I have time to spend alone. Yet I am often lonely and I often feel as if I have to do everything alone, unsupported, out on a limb. This sentiment is nothing new, I know, but it strikes me how most humans have this feeling in common, but we do nothing to dispel it for future generations. I think we are a communal society, living separate from each other and all longing to go back into the fold. We are not made to do things alone. I think of how much happier I am when I am functioning as a member of a group and I know this is true.

We have so much more power when we are connected. This is the reason for the fear-mongering that goes on in the US. It keeps us separate, alone, and powerless...how do we find connection with one another? How do we show our humaness without fear?

How do we ask for help?

New Moon in Gemini

The book signing is about to start and there are a few people here. I have just a moment to jot a blog, my goal is everyday.

My Tai Chi Teacher was mentioning that the New Moon was in Gemini and that this tends toward leading people into having difficulty communicating.

This is true of me...at least it's not all my fault. (This I really do already know!)

Booksigning, happening now!!!

Being Delighted

I am working hard at being delighted today. With myself and my busy chaotic life. What I can notice and be delighted about is that all of the chaos comes from trying to get close to people. Physically and spiritually. All of this is for me.

Tomorrow I am speaking at the graduation at the school where I used to work. I am speaking about my intern and I am so looking forward to it. It is an interesting thing to watch young people in a four year period grow and change. It is watching a becoming. Usually they become more confident, more controlled, generous, they expand. When I think of my life in four year blocks I can see that I don't change as much. What a time of life. No wonder most people look back on it in horror.

So that is my morning.

My afternoon is a book signing. Harriet F. Fisher wrote a book called "The Darlings of Vermont's Northeast Kingdom". It has been a big hit around here, I've sold a lot of copies and I think it will be a busy afternoon. The interesting thing here is that Harriet is going to be 90 in July. She has written five books and has a sixth coming out in August. She is a historian and an amazing woman. Her granddaughter is a dear friend of mine, so I feel as if I have an in with Harriet. I don't really think I needed one, but we have known each other for some time and have some common ground to discuss.

The feeling here is about the juxtaposition of these two events. One in which I will see several young people begin new projects, begin the process of really living their lives as adults. What a growing time the 20's are! The second event is seeing someone at the end of her life, still living, but with the complete realization that she has a limited time to complete the tasks she has started. A beginning and somewhat of an ending.

And here I am right in the middle. Definitely food for thought.

The Ballet

My niece danced a performance for her Ballet Class. She is so beautiful and graceful, I am one proud Aunt.
Here is the video.

Raining and 60 degrees

Summer has arrived. It is a soft and lovely grey rain, almost a mist but not quite. I love these days when the sky comes down and mingles with the leaves. It is quieting. In fact I often feel aggravated when a day begins like this and then changes to blue sky and sunshine. Interesting but true.

The seedlings are soaking up this soft, soft water-fall, I can see them settling in stretching out, when the sun comes they will grow, grow, grow. What a glorious time of year. My senses are still reeling after the large amount of snow we had. It was so white for so long, I think it will take a little while for the change to truly settle in...not that I want to stop noticing it.

I am going to the city this weekend. Trying to prepare myself for defense against the "city-monsters". Actually I love the hustle and bustle, I love driving in the traffic, I love the art and the availability of culture. I love to visit it. So I am looking forward to this. To seeing people I love (babies I love especially.), to listening to music and talking, talking, talking. Trying to connect, reconnect, be together.

What a beautiful life.

The Book Biz and Evolving

A customer complimented me on my store today. We had a nice discussion about how happiness isn't connected to money, how we can be complete in what we do without earning a lot. He noted that he had been in the store for over an hour and overheard many discussions I was having with various people, none of them involved money or even a monetary transaction. I am delighted.

This discussion follows a theme...I went to a wonderful housewarming/birthday party on Sunday. I had several conversations with people and most of them centered around loving what you do. Working in an area that you feel fulfilled in. One woman was a social worker and the gentlemen involved in the discussion drove a tractor trailer. Interesting how such variety and yet such contentment. I believe the contentment doesn't really come from the work, but from the essence of the people who do the work. That on some level we learn to love what we do, we take full advantage of our situations and do more than make the best of it, we revel in it.

If only this could be true of all humans. If we could find contentment in our daily lives and not seek something more. It seems to me that there is more than enough resource on this beautiful planet, why are we so fearful of running out?? Why do so many of us strive and fight and claw to have more than we need? It is some left over instinct from the past...we don't really need it anymore and it is time to evolve.

Got that people....EVOLVE! The Book Queen has spoken.

Planting

The best thing for me when I am frustrated is to do SOMETHING. What I did this time was planted my garden in the rain on Saturday. It was lovely. I got really dirty and wet and began to feel human again. I'm not sure my raincoat will recover.

We have strawberries with lovely cream white and yellow flowers, garlic, broccoli, cabbage, sunflowers, cosmos, carrots and parsnips growing. Saturday I planted tomatoes (2 varieties), peppers (2 varieties), marigold, basil, butternut squash, giant pumpkins, cucumbers, peas, beans, and zucchini (even though every gardener in Vermont grows it and there is always a plethora in the autumn). Tonight I am going to try to get the kale in the ground and some dahlias my sister gave me.

There is something fundamental about gardening. The growing of food for ourselves, the smell of the dirt, the glory of the taste...it touches a place within me that is ancient. It is restful and inspiring. It eases my anxiety about money (at least we will have something to eat!!) It connects me and quite literally grounds me.

When I was done, wet and dirty I was elated. I still am.