The Book Biz and Evolving

A customer complimented me on my store today. We had a nice discussion about how happiness isn't connected to money, how we can be complete in what we do without earning a lot. He noted that he had been in the store for over an hour and overheard many discussions I was having with various people, none of them involved money or even a monetary transaction. I am delighted.

This discussion follows a theme...I went to a wonderful housewarming/birthday party on Sunday. I had several conversations with people and most of them centered around loving what you do. Working in an area that you feel fulfilled in. One woman was a social worker and the gentlemen involved in the discussion drove a tractor trailer. Interesting how such variety and yet such contentment. I believe the contentment doesn't really come from the work, but from the essence of the people who do the work. That on some level we learn to love what we do, we take full advantage of our situations and do more than make the best of it, we revel in it.

If only this could be true of all humans. If we could find contentment in our daily lives and not seek something more. It seems to me that there is more than enough resource on this beautiful planet, why are we so fearful of running out?? Why do so many of us strive and fight and claw to have more than we need? It is some left over instinct from the past...we don't really need it anymore and it is time to evolve.

Got that people....EVOLVE! The Book Queen has spoken.

Planting

The best thing for me when I am frustrated is to do SOMETHING. What I did this time was planted my garden in the rain on Saturday. It was lovely. I got really dirty and wet and began to feel human again. I'm not sure my raincoat will recover.

We have strawberries with lovely cream white and yellow flowers, garlic, broccoli, cabbage, sunflowers, cosmos, carrots and parsnips growing. Saturday I planted tomatoes (2 varieties), peppers (2 varieties), marigold, basil, butternut squash, giant pumpkins, cucumbers, peas, beans, and zucchini (even though every gardener in Vermont grows it and there is always a plethora in the autumn). Tonight I am going to try to get the kale in the ground and some dahlias my sister gave me.

There is something fundamental about gardening. The growing of food for ourselves, the smell of the dirt, the glory of the taste...it touches a place within me that is ancient. It is restful and inspiring. It eases my anxiety about money (at least we will have something to eat!!) It connects me and quite literally grounds me.

When I was done, wet and dirty I was elated. I still am.

AAARRRGGGHHH

I get so frustrated sometimes.

A Year Ago Today...

I bought Green Mountain Books and Prints.

and it changed my life. I cannot believe how much stress I used to function under in my previous job. I am so grateful that I've been given/earned this opportunity. I struggle for the words to properly express how delighted, content, truly happy I am doing the work of the bookstore. People often ask me how it has been, how things are going and I always tell them things are good, everything is fine, the store is great and so am I...this is true but it is so much more.

I am eternally grateful to my partner of 14 years who was obligated to get himself a full-time job to make this enterprise successful. Without him I certainly would not have been able to take this on. I am grateful and thankful for the previous owner of the store who did everything in her power to help me buy the store. I am thankful to all of the customers who believe in the value of a local independent bookstore and continue to support the store on a weekly basis. I am thankful to my family who had to give up much of their time with me when I left teaching and a teacher's schedule. I am full of thanks.

I am still scared. Afraid I will fail. Pushing through that and continuing.

Goals for year two:

Website, website, website.

More non-author events

Redo the childrens room.

Figure out a memoir section...

Camping, The Dems, and Reeve Lindbergh

Sleeping outside in a lean-to is the way to go. If I could I would do it all summer long. Friday I stayed up until 2am with a dear friend, just being together and really talking. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was the dawn birdsong, so loud!, so alive! and the sound of a nearby river rushing over stones.

I awoke and was immediately worried, places to go and people to see. I convinced myself it was late in the day and got up, it was 5:45. I went off to the showers, campgrounds have all the amenities (I live in a house with no running water or electricity, so a shower was heavenly), no hot water, but my hair smelled intensely of woodsmoke so I had to get in. The water was so cold it made my brain cramp. I got out as quickly as I could. Took another look at the hot water contraption and got it working. Ah...steam after the cold was so good.

I then had a 45 minute Tai Chi workout near the river and felt wonderful, full of energy.

Onward to the Vermont State Democratic Convention and book selling. I arrived early and headed into chaos. There were so many people just milling around...I eventually found our table, then went to wait for my colleague. She arrived, we set up the books and voila! started selling them. Okay she's set...onward!

To Green Mountain Books and Prints for a book signing with Reeve Lindbergh. This was crazy I tried to take a back route so I could go home and see my dogs, the town I tried to go through was "Closed". Okay, literally they said a major route was "closed". When I asked for the alternate route they told me there wasn't one. WHAT! I pulled out my trusty Gazetteer and found my own alternate route. Yipes.

The book signing was a success, several people came and the discussion was lovely. Ms. Lindbergh stayed for a couple of hours and then was on her way. So was I, back to the campground.

Back to the lovely river, a spinach and cheddar quesidilla, ice cold beer and horseshoes.

A day in the life of a bookseller.

Blue Sky and Breath

Tai Chi this morning on the green grass with a light wind and blue sky. Birds, the only music, new green leaves a tapestry...breath.

I was fluid motion, movement without effort...the green of the leaves was piercing against the color of the sky, each leaf having a life of it's own.

I am centered, I am here.

In this moment

Here I am in this moment writing. I am not doing a half a dozen other things I could be doing. I am here, now, present.

Life has taken on a pace that leaves me feeling giddy. My brain is functioning at a high rate, one much higher than anything my body could keep up with. In layman's (woman's) terms I am very busy. What tends to happen to me when life gets like this is that I forget all about the beautiful present moment and I focus on what's coming up, trying to plan and prepare, and I miss what is happening right now. I think to some extent this is what happens to all humans as they age, we focus on the future and take ourselves out of the now and then we say, Where did the time go? How many people have lived and forgotten to notice it?

I often wish I could find the focus that I very rarely fall into when doing Tai Chi. I stop noticing my body and my thoughts and I just am. Time slows down and I become more fluid, this has actually only happened to me once so far, but that one time occurrence leads me to believe it is possible, I know it exists that state of being where one just is. The reason I continue with Tai Chi is because these things happen, they happen often enough for me to believe anything is possible, that someday I will be filled with energy like golden light and I will feel it surging through me. Sometimes I feel I am on the cusp of that...

Here I am noticing, slowing down, enjoying moments, living...